Dat is Maths Self Boy

Oh really, so tell meh just how dowtish you tink I am anyway. Ah mean to say ah know is only five years ah did spend at CIC an is not like ah did go to UWI like you, but ah sell enough chive, cabbage, an tomato in de market to know how to count from one to ten, an de numbers in dis maths problem giving me problems for so, dey jus not adding up boy. So you who is engineer help meh out neh. Let meh write out de problem for yuh fus, here goes.

If a woman, say she is a prophetess an go an open up a church how long yuh tink it go take for she to build she catidral? One year, five. Wat yuh mean yuh doh know? Boy de answer to dat one is ten years. An dat is de easy part of de problem, de real hard part is how much yuh tink it go cost we. Now ah hear some real bright people say thirty million, but boy Patrick ah catching meh ass to get dat answer, all how ah try de numbers dey not adding up neh man. Ah know dem penticostal an dem does give tides, yuh doh fin dat sound like soap? Anyway ah hear dat tides is ten percent of wat you does get pay, help meh out here neh, dat is before or after tax an vat? So tell meh neh is both you an de wife giving dat kind of money before tax. Ah know yuh tink yuh move real slick dey wid dat one but padner doh think ah ent notice how you pull she in like dashin wid yuh, dat was a good move man yuh move like deceased Ram Kapalani dey boy we  buy one an we get one free. Wat yuh say? boy is wat happen to yuh, yuh mad or wat Patrick. Is you making a million and de wife right dey wid you she making almost ah million too. Hear neh for dat kind of money dat you jus call dey one hundred an seventy five thousand dollars a year, an yuh say dat is every year? Boy for dat kind of money I could be your spiritual advisor too yuh know, especially if ah only have to wuk two or three days a week, an if yuh could fix meh up wid a URP foreman wuk to boy, ah go be all set like cockset wid dat man.

On second thought ah not so sure about de URP foreman wuk dem so does always dead in some kind of gun play like dey still living in de wild west. Yuh want to see meh paperwork, well ah take tides collected like so an ah divide dat by zero for de cost of de Chinese labor. Wat yuh mean why I do dat? I fin you should show meh how it is dat Chinese people building she church before yuh ask meh dem kind of stupid question, because I cayah see how she manage dat one at all. I thought is only de government could hire dem. so since government give she free land I say they give she free labor to. Although ah cyah understand why woman go want labor even if it free, my wife was begging people to take way she own when she was making baby. So leh meh ask yuh neh, is so easy dem penticostal Sheppard taking food from poor people mouth. Yuh sure dey name ent plenty cost to all. Why yuh not laughing man, yuh doh find dat funny? Alright neh man yuh doh have to get on so. Boy ah sorry ah taking serious people ting an making joke. Oh is not me is de sprit lash yuh fraid. But ay ay boy yuh really in dis ting deep. Now ah see why yuh did say yuh want to be a preacher when yuh done wid de politics. Dat go be a good retirement wuk  for yuh boy, an plenty people go want to come to your church too yuh know, an yuh could always use de prophetess church while yuh building yours.

 Anyway back to de maths, is how much people in dis church for she to save thirty million in ten years. She had to be saving three million a year jus for dat, an dat is after she pay sheself and run de church business to, so de congregation alone does earn about forty million dollars a year between deyself. Weefhoot yuh mean to tell meh all de people in dat church have money like jep nest, as dey touch it it does raise, because for she to collect dat kind of money is either de congregation real big or de congregation pocket real fat, an as yuh did done tell meh is a school she does use to hold she Sunday service in, ah was tinking is just one or two hundred people dat does be dey, but now ah see is people like in one of dem large carnival band dat does show up every sunday. Leh meh ask yuh something neh she does pay rent to use de school neh man, ah mean if every Sunday is six or seven hundred people cramming in dey for service yuh doh tink she should pay rent to de ministry of education for dat boy, Yuh know jus in case dem people an dem break someting. Is not she money dat build dat school yuh know is we taxpayer’s money dat do dat.

 Wat is dat? yuh want meh to shut up an leave yuh alone. Yuh doh want de people an dem to wuk out de maths on dis one. Yuh praying for God to make people forget about all dat because is his wuk yuh been doing. Yuh see Patrick dat is why de people love yuh so boy. Yuh is a man of god who make it his life wuk to serve de needs of de people.